heartstones | we are the sword, we tame the fire, the flame

we are the sword, we tame the fire, the flame

[It's wonderful to be home.

Oh, sure, it hasn't been an easy transition into this particular version of Terca Lumireis. After all, that involved tracking down and killing this version of himself, which was far harder than it needed to be. Waiting for the proper moment to ambush himself while Gauche and Droite were nowhere nearby was the most difficult part. His original plan had been to actually fight, he took the more merciful option and simply sniped his other self. In some ways it was sort of traumatizing, in others it was completely liberating.

(But as long as he doesn't think about it for too long, things are fine, as usual.)

Regardless, he disposed of the body and slipped right back into his old life without missing a beat.

Of course, some things had to be handled immediately - namely, that whole mess with Altosk, the Don's grandson, and Belias - but somehow things had managed to work themselves out. Well, somewhat, Yeager's banned from Dahngrest again, but it's not like that's anything new, and it certainly won't keep him out of the city.

(Given that this was the Don's punishment for his guild's incredibly stupid and dangerous actions, Raven really did work hard to get him out of trouble.)

And so they return to their lives. For the time being, Leviathan's Claw is keeping a lower profile and taking on far fewer jobs, which is mostly to make Raven's life easier, not that Yeager will admit that. He's met with the other two several times since returning home - Raven more than Alexei, for obvious reasons - and while it's always nice to see them, it's almost always been exclusively about business.

Not that he minds that, truly. There's something wonderful about picking up right where he left off, without the consequences of his actions in his world to actually feel marginally guilty over. The Don is alive and well (and pissed at him) here, after all. Zaude hasn't been raised from the ocean floor, and the guilds and the Empire seem to be handling each other decently well... for now.

...But.

It's hard to pretend that his time away hasn't changed him. Droite and Gauche have noticed it too - they stare at him when they think he won't notice and whisper amongst themselves, and there's always the feeling there, whenever he talks to them, that something is off. With their behavior, with his, it isn't entirely clear. Maybe both. They don't know, of course - he took care of his other self's body so that it would never be found, after all - but they recognize that he's changed, they just haven't figured out how.

And really, he wouldn't know how to begin addressing any of that with them, so he simply doesn't.

Oh, he'll get around to it someday, probably. They are his daughters and he does want to treat them as such - but for now he wants things to be normal. He wants the normalcy he so desperately craved while in that horrid place, so maybe he can have this for a little bit. As a treat.

Still, he always leaves those meetings - particularly the ones with Alexei - feeling like talking about business (and strictly business) is sort of... frustrating.

(If only he could drag the Commandant out to set something on fire again.)

It's one of those meetings that's brought him into Empire territory today - he had business here anyway, so it's not like it was just to see Alexei - and he shows up to the appointed meeting place on time, dressed as always in the usual suit, with the usual briefcase at his side. Were it not for the (slightly) more genuine expression, it would be easy to assume that everything was just as it once had been, without a single difference whatsoever.

It's nice, in some ways. In others, it's maddening.]

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[...good lord, he's been here for thirty seconds and this is already so much. What does he do with this.]

Truth be told, I probably am. I'm here anyway.

[What did you expect, it's Yeager!!]

...Well, I appreciate that you made the time for me!

[Hopefully that brief pause isn't all that noticeable because wow, Alexei making time for him. Will wonders never cease (not sarcastic).]

I had business out this way so I thought I could drag you away from work for a bit; you likely could use the break.

[Clearly, it's some kind of miracle. Don't think about it too much.

That said, he takes a brief moment before responding to that any; the temptation is to deny it, to insist that everything is fine, perhaps to make some sort of biting remark regarding how Yeager doesn't need to concern himself with Alexei's well-being.]

...I likely could, yes.

[The admission feels weird. That doesn't mean it isn't honest.]

[Look at that, progress!! It still feels kind of surreal, but he can appreciate that Alexei is Trying.]

Don't worry, I don't have anything nefarious planned tonight~

[He knows better than to even joke about setting anything on fire in Zaphias, okay!!]

...Implying that you do have plans.

[He knows how that much tends to work, at any rate.]

[He laughs at that and holds up his hands.]

No, no, I wasn't even sure if you were going to drop by, so I didn't make any plans!

[He's trying to sit for once in his miserable life!!! Do you know how hard it is!!!]

Good.

[He might have to be annoyed, otherwise. As it is, he can appreciate the attempt.

...Sort of, anyway.]

Did you want anything in particular? I admit I wasn't expecting contact from you.

[Which isn't to say he's ungrateful for it? But still, you did contact him and that's...strange.]

[His first thought is to deflect, as always. But that's been the problem, hasn't it? They keep doing that and if neither of them actually says anything, then that's how every single meeting going forward will be. If he's perfectly honest with himself, Yeager isn't even sure what it is he's looking for out of meetings with Alexei at this point, but it isn't... this. Whatever "this" has become, anyway. Maybe he would've been perfectly fine with it back at that place, where they saw each other every damn day, but here? He's likely not going to see Alexei again for several months, if not longer.

So what does he want, exactly?]

I wanted to check in on you. I've sure things haven't been easy lately, especially since you were called back so suddenly.

[He doesn't expect Alexei to tell him anything about the situation, and he's not going to pry. But that is an honest answer, even if it's not... exactly right. I wanted to see you again would be more accurate, or even the dreaded I missed you, but there's only so much Yeager can get himself to admit, and so it's just going to have to be this for now.]

[Well, whatever "this" is, he seems pretty content with that answer, even if it is a bit on the surprising side; Yeager really isn't the sort to concede any ground, and as long as he continues doing that Alexei is fine with reciprocating. But this is new territory, and it's...nice, even if it's unexpected.]

They haven't. But it's...tolerable, at this point. There was a while where it wasn't, but I don't have much say in what I'm obligated to respond to.

It's better now, at least.

[...Well. You did say you wanted to check in.]

Ja, of course, you are the Commandant, after all.

[It's... nice? Nice that Alexei's admitting that much to him, he thinks. It can't be easy for Alexei to admit even that much, given how closed-off the man's always been around Yeager. Though of course, a great deal of that is simply through necessity, given how the two of them are as people.

But that's neither here nor there and with that out there, Yeager's... not really sure what to do now. So...]

And how are you and Schwann doing?

[It's (perhaps surprisingly) not teasing, just a genuine question.]

[...Oh. Oh god. It's fairly obvious that he wasn't expecting that question, but it's also something that he'd rather die than answer in any sort of complete manner. Hang on.]

We've been...doing well. Rather well.

[why can't you just tease him]

[You say something like that, how is he supposed to resist teasing you?? It's so tempting but no come on, we're doing well here, he's not going to immediately turn this back into their usual dumb interactions, resist the urge to tease!!]

I'm glad to hear that! I imagine the two of you have had a lot to discuss, ja?

[Schwann and Alexei's relationship is entirely their business and Yeager knows next to nothing about it, but that doesn't mean he can't be interested!! And look at this, he is trying so hard not to tease you. Appreciate his effort!!]

[but why...

okay. okay, he's going to at least put a good faith effort in, even if it's hard.]

We have. He's been with me throughout everything that's happened, but we never really discussed it beyond what was necessary. He's... He was under the impression that things were far different than they were with me. I never really dissuaded him from that idea.

[Oh, that's... somehow not what he was expecting. He's not sure what he was expecting (maybe for Alexei to brush it off?) but Yeager inclines his head a bit, thinking.]

Though you're on the same page now, ja?

Yes. We've been more or less on the same page since the... Since everything that happened.

[He still isn't sure what to call all of that.]

[The murders, he's guessing, or perhaps more accurately, the aftermath of that trial. Though maybe Alexei's just referring to their time in murdergame hell in general, which is very, very fair.]

I imagine that was difficult for the first little while! Somehow, neither of you seem the type to sit and talk about [vague handwave] all of that.

[That's a little lighter, but not properly a joke or teasing.]

Not particularly, no. He seems disinterested in letting me keep too many of my thoughts to myself, however. Given the results of what happened last time he did that.

[Schwann had made it rather plain that he felt guilty about that to some degree, though Alexei is firmly of the opinion that he doesn't need to. He chose to do what he did, and he chose to keep his reasoning to himself; Schwann isn't responsible for either of those decisions.]

Hmm... Well, maybe that's not a bad thing.

[Not necessarily because of the murders, because Yeager has no idea what was going on between you two with regards to that and he doesn't have any interest in asking about it now, but because Alexei can no longer set things on fire so he's going to have to find some other form of stress relief. Maybe talking to someone will help??

(Shouldn't that be the first thing to consider instead of arson— eh, whatever, it worked out well enough, didn't it?)]

It's easier to talk with him now about your thoughts, isn't it?

I don't know.

[Again, it's a weird admission, and not one that comes without an amount of thought behind it; he still has difficulties with this with Schwann, and while he doesn't talk to Yeager nearly as often or half as openly, it's somehow easier to talk about this in the context of discussing whatever he and Schwann are doing.]

I don't... I still don't like it. Talking to people about things that are too important. I don't want anyone to know too much. It's for his own good; he doesn't understand that.

[...Huh.

Of the three of them, he never thought Alexei would be the one most hesitant to actually talk about his thoughts. Sure, he knew the man was a private person, but this seems a little extreme. Hell, even Yeager's gotten better at actually sharing what's on his mind with Raven; things are (obviously) different with Alexei, but that's only to be expected since they haven't had as much time together.

But Schwann and Alexei? They've had plenty of time. So it's a little odd that Alexei has difficulties opening up to him.]

Well, I think I can see where he would be troubled by that.

[He's not going to argue for Schwann or anything because again, not his place, but... hmm.]

But you've always had to keep your distance, ja? For as long as you've been Commandant?

Not exactly.

[This entire conversation is kind of striking him oddly; please don't argue for Schwann, that will only compound the... The all of that.

That said, he has to take a moment again, in which he sort of stares at the blank space two inches in front of his face; he actively tries not to discuss this with Yeager, because that involves discussing entirely too much with anyone, but... Well, maybe it's acceptable to do so with Yeager because Yeager isn't from the Empire, and it isn't like the Council can do anything to him.]

...My specific difficulties with the Council are varied, but I have no qualms in acting as I do toward them because members of the Council murdered my personal unit. Shortly after the war, while we were trying to rebuild. I was able to get concessions offered by some among their number, and they retaliated by killing my men in an attempt to put me in my place.

I'm sure they would have preferred it if I'd died with my unit, but I didn't grant them that much. Nearly, but not quite. Their message was noted, however.

[This... explains a lot, honestly. The bits and pieces he'd picked up from their time away from Terca Lumireis had helped paint the picture, this just fills in the missing pieces. No wonder Alexei was fine with murdering members of the Council; this isn't a situation like Yeager and the Don, after all. He knew that things in the Empire were bad, but he hadn't thought they were that bad.

Of course, this happened long before he took over Leviathan's Claw, long before he started trying to gather information in the Empire too. But to think it's been that long and they're still at each other's throats...]

...Well, my offer does still stand, should you ever want to make use of it again!

[The words are mostly to fill space because the hahaha wow is real right now, give him a moment...

It would probably just be weird if he expressed sympathy for all that, wouldn't it? So he's not going to do that, but at the same time... well, that explains so much.]

I can only imagine how... difficult that must have been. And why you'd want to avoid painting a target on anyone else, should you irritate them again.

[Damn shame you can't just set the Council on fire...]

[He doesn't know what to do with the initial comment and it shows, the tension leeching into his body in droves, and he folds his arms as though seeking something to do with himself; the attempt at understanding really isn't any better, and he seems to make a subconscious decision to retreat - not physically, but verbally at least.]

I was careless. It was my mistake, and one that I have no intention of repeating. Enough people have died for me; the least I can do for them is try to keep their numbers down.

[...This... isn't really a good topic for them, is it. He probably should have realized that sooner. If Alexei can't even talk about it with Schwann, then there's no way in hell Yeager can handle it. He absently toys with his bangs as he thinks, gaze drifting away to some point on the floor, though he's not really paying attention to it.

Probably best just to let it go.]

...I do appreciate hearing about it, for whatever that's worth.

[And judging from his tone of voice, he has no damn idea if that's worth anything at all. It's far more than Alexei ever needed to tell him, so he does mean it, but this isn't really a topic either of them seem to know how to address.]

[Alexei shakes his head briefly, forcing everything out as he usually does; it doesn't come with the large amount of self-loathing that this sort of thing usually does - discussing this with Schwann always feels like pointless whining, to be honest - so he supposes that's a good thing, at least.]

I intended to tell you eventually. I admittedly wasn't expecting getting into it today, but it's something I had considered that you should probably know.

Especially since I likely will have more jobs for you in future. It seems only fair, given both that and our current arrangement, to at least tell you why.

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