we are the sword, we tame the fire, the flame

[scythegun]

[It's wonderful to be home.

Oh, sure, it hasn't been an easy transition into this particular version of Terca Lumireis. After all, that involved tracking down and killing this version of himself, which was far harder than it needed to be. Waiting for the proper moment to ambush himself while Gauche and Droite were nowhere nearby was the most difficult part. His original plan had been to actually fight, he took the more merciful option and simply sniped his other self. In some ways it was sort of traumatizing, in others it was completely liberating.

(But as long as he doesn't think about it for too long, things are fine, as usual.)

Regardless, he disposed of the body and slipped right back into his old life without missing a beat.

Of course, some things had to be handled immediately - namely, that whole mess with Altosk, the Don's grandson, and Belias - but somehow things had managed to work themselves out. Well, somewhat, Yeager's banned from Dahngrest again, but it's not like that's anything new, and it certainly won't keep him out of the city.

(Given that this was the Don's punishment for his guild's incredibly stupid and dangerous actions, Raven really did work hard to get him out of trouble.)

And so they return to their lives. For the time being, Leviathan's Claw is keeping a lower profile and taking on far fewer jobs, which is mostly to make Raven's life easier, not that Yeager will admit that. He's met with the other two several times since returning home - Raven more than Alexei, for obvious reasons - and while it's always nice to see them, it's almost always been exclusively about business.

Not that he minds that, truly. There's something wonderful about picking up right where he left off, without the consequences of his actions in his world to actually feel marginally guilty over. The Don is alive and well (and pissed at him) here, after all. Zaude hasn't been raised from the ocean floor, and the guilds and the Empire seem to be handling each other decently well... for now.

...But.

It's hard to pretend that his time away hasn't changed him. Droite and Gauche have noticed it too - they stare at him when they think he won't notice and whisper amongst themselves, and there's always the feeling there, whenever he talks to them, that something is off. With their behavior, with his, it isn't entirely clear. Maybe both. They don't know, of course - he took care of his other self's body so that it would never be found, after all - but they recognize that he's changed, they just haven't figured out how.

And really, he wouldn't know how to begin addressing any of that with them, so he simply doesn't.

Oh, he'll get around to it someday, probably. They are his daughters and he does want to treat them as such - but for now he wants things to be normal. He wants the normalcy he so desperately craved while in that horrid place, so maybe he can have this for a little bit. As a treat.

Still, he always leaves those meetings - particularly the ones with Alexei - feeling like talking about business (and strictly business) is sort of... frustrating.

(If only he could drag the Commandant out to set something on fire again.)

It's one of those meetings that's brought him into Empire territory today - he had business here anyway, so it's not like it was just to see Alexei - and he shows up to the appointed meeting place on time, dressed as always in the usual suit, with the usual briefcase at his side. Were it not for the (slightly) more genuine expression, it would be easy to assume that everything was just as it once had been, without a single difference whatsoever.

It's nice, in some ways. In others, it's maddening.]

Comments

[ideismo]

[HE'LL BE FINE- ]

I was hardly hit in the head, and someone has to ensure that the Empire continues to function in my absence.

[scythegun]

Ja, of course, but you could at least try to take it easy for a day without the Empire falling apart!

[I mean. It hopefully wouldn't fall apart in a day. Right??]

[ideismo]

Would you put it past them to somehow dissolve themselves within twenty-four hours.

[WOULD YOU REALLY.]

[scythegun]

[.................]

You are making it very, very difficult to argue against you...

[yeah okay give him a second to laugh, goddamn!!! he tried!!!]

[ideismo]

Trust me, I'm aware.

[He is, at the very least, satisfied with himself.]

Fortunately for you, my personal guard has more faith in the Empire than I do, and I'm not to attempt any business of the sort until tomorrow at the soonest. They won't hear any arguments regarding how it's more or less my job to not have faith in our esteemed institution, I'm not permitted to do the job itself until they're certain I'm not going to die in the attempt.

[scythegun]

Mm, fair enough, it is their job to keep you alive, after all.

[It's light, though.]

But I am glad to hear that you'll be getting some rest, at least.

[ideismo]

I would rather not be. [There is a pause.] And not solely because I don't trust the Empire to not get caught up in itself.

[Is that a large part of the reason, of course it is. But it's not the only reason.]

I don't...like having extensive time to myself. The last time this happened was a deeply disturbing time for me, and all this does is bring that back.

[scythegun]

[Yeager shifts a bit, folding his legs the other way as he considers that.]

Then I'll work extra hard to ensure you're not left alone with your thoughts for too long.

[It's far too simplistic of an answer and they both know it, but actually asking about it?? Perish the thought.]

Things will get easier soon, at the very least. Your guards understand they can't keep you cooped up in here for too long, after all.

[ideismo]

They...are very annoyed with me at the moment, I imagine.

[Will he apologize to them later? No.]

How did the discussion with the girls go?

[scythegun]

Understandably so.

[But Alexei isn't going to explain it to them, so they'll have to deal.

That question gets a brief pause for him before he lifts his shoulders a bit; not quite a shrug, but close enough.]

About as well as could be expected, I suppose. They were quite skeptical at first - it is a lot to take in, ja? But they said it explained some things.

[Like how much time he spends with Raven, why he's actually attempting to behave himself for once, and why he has any interest in Alexei at all, among other things.]

[ideismo]

I honestly don't know that I'd believe anyone, if they tried to explain such a thing to me. Perhaps from Schwann, if he saw fit to tell me... The only other one that might have half a chance is Flynn Scifo, though that's solely because I don't think he has it in him to lie to me.

[scythegun]

Ja, it's certainly is. I wouldn't have believed it for a moment.

[Maybe from Gauche and Droite, but even then it's only maybe.]

They said as much, anyway.

[That they only believed it because it was coming from him, which makes sense. And is giving him some kind of feeling given he's shifting a bit again.]

I didn't tell them everything, of course, but I've told them enough for right now.

[The rest - of what he can tell them, anyway - can come later, after they've had some time to process this.]

[ideismo]

How much do they know? I admit I don't know them personally, so I don't know what you consider enough.

[Presumably enough to explain any differences in behavior, but otherwise who knows.]

[scythegun]

For right now, that's just what we went through while we were away from Terca Lumireis. Well, the basic summation - I didn't get into too many details.

[There are things they simply don't need to know, like how close he came to dying for something he didn't do, or exactly what Raven (Schwann) and Alexei's relationship is like and all that comes with it. So a summation of the murdergame, in other words.]

I do eventually plan to tell them about...

[He pauses, clearly trying to figure out how to word it. And then Yeager simply gives up and sighs, shrugging a bit before placing his hand over his chest.]

...this. I don't know how I'll approach that, but I... want to tell them.

[It's obviously a complicated and difficult situation for him, but he does seem to mean that.]

[ideismo]

I don't even talk about what happened back then. The most I acknowledge it is when the Empire insists on some sort of display on anniversaries; it's something of a morbid thing we do in Zaphias, and I don't argue with it but I've made it clear not to discuss that time with me, for those that are morbidly curious.

[Literally everything about the war is off-limits for him with the citizenry; Schwann is an exception, Yeager can be an exception if he wants to be. But the idea of discussing anything that happened at that time with someone who wasn't there is...]

I was supposed to be there with you. I'm...sorry. About the fact that I wasn't.

[scythegun]

[Yeager shifts a little again, like he's not entirely sure what to do with any of that - frankly, he wants to drop this topic of discussion immediately despite the fact that he was the one who brought it up. It's still incredibly difficult to talk about, but the fact that he's still here likely says something. Raven's been patient with him while he works himself out with regards to this so he can... try. That's the best he can offer.

It takes him awhile, but eventually Yeager speaks, eyes fixed on some point on the floor.]

He didn't—

[No. No, that's not right.]

...I didn't blame you for that. I wasn't angry at you, for not being with us.

[It doesn't change anything. Alexei still blames himself, and nothing is going to change that. But it's something he wants to say - needs to say, maybe. Because this whole time he's been blaming Alexei for all sorts of things, and at the very least it's important he knows that this isn't one of them.]

I'm... sorry we couldn't return to you.

[ideismo]

[It's because this topic is difficult that he wants to discuss it in some way - because if they don't do it now they're going to continue to put it off into infinity, because they're both rather good at words without a lot of substance behind them, because they're both deeply avoidant people in the end and they can't just do that forever. It means the conversation will be hard, yes, but... Well, if not now, when? It's never exactly going to be a good time, even if this topic hurts more than he really knows what to do with.

He's quiet for a long moment before he says anything further.]

I wanted to go to you immediately... Once it became obvious that you were going to be under threat. If they wouldn't allow you to withdraw, then I wanted to be there with you.

They wouldn't allow that. They considered me too important to send to the front lines like that - as though the rest of you weren't important in that way? I've never been so furious; I left as soon as I was able, their permission be damned, but I...

[He falls silent at that; just give him a moment.]

None of what happened was your fault. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, but absolutely none of it was a failure on your part.

[scythegun]

[Something about that strikes him strangely and it takes him a moment to figure out what it is. He's known what happened - and their failure to combat it - was never their fault, but hearing that...

It reminds him of what Raven told him about Casey and her final moments - knowing that she didn't curse her fate and faced it with her head held high, as always. It's relief - knowing that even in the end, their loss wasn't their own failure.]

...Thank you. I... think I needed to hear that.

[As strange as that sounds coming from him, it's true. After all, he was among the first that died, among the first that failed to face down that threat and stop it from taking the others.]

It's... a rather complicated thing to think about, but I've grown to truly cherish this second chance. I wouldn't be who I am now without it, for better and for worse.

[For much, much worse, as it turns out, but we can't have everything.]

...So I want to thank you. I think I've wanted to thank you for it for... quite some time now, really. I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet Droite and Gauche. I wouldn't have met the Don. I wouldn't have gotten to know you, or Raven, or those who were there with us in that other world. I wouldn't have learned what happened to Casey. I wouldn't be Yeager, were it not for you.

[...okay that last one actually sounds really bad, but he genuinely likes being Yeager?? I'm so sorry.]

So thank you, Alexei.

[His hand rises to the blastia and this time, his touch is lighter - not like he's gripping the damn thing but more like he's actually appreciating its presence for once. After all, he does mean it. He's been treasuring his second chance at life for some time now, after all.]

[ideismo]

I admit that I didn't know you as well as I should have, before all that happened. It seemed as though we would all have more time then; it was difficult to accept that that wouldn't be the case.

[Honestly, though, given how the knights run he finds it unlikely that he would have ever gotten to know Damuron Atomais as well as he knows Raven now, and the same goes for... Well, whoever Yeager was before then. Goddess above, Alexei can't even remember his name. Probably for the best, because unless Yeager invented another language altogether he's probably always sounded like that, and his name was likely something Alexei was never going to be able to pronounce. But that's... It's beside the point.]

I've been appreciating getting to know you, even if the circumstances have been...far from ideal. Both now and over the course of the past period of time. I don't know if I can take credit for Yeager's existence like that, because most of that is on you, but at the very least I can't say I dislike the result.

[...He's trying so hard here, he genuinely is, it's just going to take a bit for him to work out how to say it properly. He and Schwann are still working out things like "I don't hate it" to indicate that something is acceptable, so it's going to take some time, but this is at least a start? ...It's improvement over "I don't hate you", even if it is "I'm okay with whatever weird personality you came up with."]