heartstones | we are the sword, we tame the fire, the flame

we are the sword, we tame the fire, the flame

[It's wonderful to be home.

Oh, sure, it hasn't been an easy transition into this particular version of Terca Lumireis. After all, that involved tracking down and killing this version of himself, which was far harder than it needed to be. Waiting for the proper moment to ambush himself while Gauche and Droite were nowhere nearby was the most difficult part. His original plan had been to actually fight, he took the more merciful option and simply sniped his other self. In some ways it was sort of traumatizing, in others it was completely liberating.

(But as long as he doesn't think about it for too long, things are fine, as usual.)

Regardless, he disposed of the body and slipped right back into his old life without missing a beat.

Of course, some things had to be handled immediately - namely, that whole mess with Altosk, the Don's grandson, and Belias - but somehow things had managed to work themselves out. Well, somewhat, Yeager's banned from Dahngrest again, but it's not like that's anything new, and it certainly won't keep him out of the city.

(Given that this was the Don's punishment for his guild's incredibly stupid and dangerous actions, Raven really did work hard to get him out of trouble.)

And so they return to their lives. For the time being, Leviathan's Claw is keeping a lower profile and taking on far fewer jobs, which is mostly to make Raven's life easier, not that Yeager will admit that. He's met with the other two several times since returning home - Raven more than Alexei, for obvious reasons - and while it's always nice to see them, it's almost always been exclusively about business.

Not that he minds that, truly. There's something wonderful about picking up right where he left off, without the consequences of his actions in his world to actually feel marginally guilty over. The Don is alive and well (and pissed at him) here, after all. Zaude hasn't been raised from the ocean floor, and the guilds and the Empire seem to be handling each other decently well... for now.

...But.

It's hard to pretend that his time away hasn't changed him. Droite and Gauche have noticed it too - they stare at him when they think he won't notice and whisper amongst themselves, and there's always the feeling there, whenever he talks to them, that something is off. With their behavior, with his, it isn't entirely clear. Maybe both. They don't know, of course - he took care of his other self's body so that it would never be found, after all - but they recognize that he's changed, they just haven't figured out how.

And really, he wouldn't know how to begin addressing any of that with them, so he simply doesn't.

Oh, he'll get around to it someday, probably. They are his daughters and he does want to treat them as such - but for now he wants things to be normal. He wants the normalcy he so desperately craved while in that horrid place, so maybe he can have this for a little bit. As a treat.

Still, he always leaves those meetings - particularly the ones with Alexei - feeling like talking about business (and strictly business) is sort of... frustrating.

(If only he could drag the Commandant out to set something on fire again.)

It's one of those meetings that's brought him into Empire territory today - he had business here anyway, so it's not like it was just to see Alexei - and he shows up to the appointed meeting place on time, dressed as always in the usual suit, with the usual briefcase at his side. Were it not for the (slightly) more genuine expression, it would be easy to assume that everything was just as it once had been, without a single difference whatsoever.

It's nice, in some ways. In others, it's maddening.]

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[On the one hand, everything settling back to normal feels nice because that means he can stop being mildly embarrassed by his feelings. On the other, there... really isn't much of a reason to linger any longer, is there. Alexei has work to do and Yeager needs to travel all the way back to the guilds.

...But he really, really doesn't want to go yet. He's not entirely sure what it is he wants out of this meeting - because he's already received quite a lot, honestly - but here we are anyway.

The hesitation lasts longer than it really should, because it's not like Yeager's one to ever keep quiet, after all.]

...I imagine it may be awhile before we can meet up again. Of course, I'll let you know should I have business in the Empire, but...

[He trails off there, not knowing how to finish that.]

[Ah.

That is a valid point, vexing though it is; it just...might be a while before they can see each other. Alexei would normally be all right with that, or at the very least he would make himself be all right with that, but something about the fact that Yeager clearly isn't all right with that is striking him oddly, and he isn't altogether sure how to address it.

He hates uncertainty.]

...I still have the rest of the evening. They aren't expecting me back for some time.

[It probably says something about him (or perhaps just the situation at hand) that he doesn't immediately fire back with a joke or teasing, but this meeting's already been so goddamn weird that this might as well happen.]

I certainly won't say no to spending more time with you!

[It's... nice to have that confirmed, he thinks, though he's admittedly not entirely sure where to go from here.]

[That's another thing that strikes Alexei oddly, among the many things that have been over the course of this discussion; he's quiet for a moment before just- ]

Why?

[Thankfully he doesn't just leave it there, he does clarify, but it's likely that the clarification won't be one that Yeager likes; at the same time, while we're all being honest with one another...]

You've mentioned that Schwann and I aren't the sort to discuss these things, and I'm aware that you and I are far less so. But I'm still left wondering exactly what changed for you while we were in that place, and when.

[Oh. Yeah, he doesn't like it. It's not that he has to think about the answer, because truthfully, he's asked himself that plenty of times and has accepted that yeah, that place was responsible for changing his thoughts on Alexei. So it's not exactly the question that's the problem, rather...

It's not really something he's had to talk about. He and Raven have danced around the topic more times than he cares to count, but they're more or less on the same page because they're coming at it from the same angle. There are more than a few similarities between the two of them and their approach to their life after the Great War.

But things are different with Alexei, and as little as Yeager likes the topic, he does feel like Alexei deserves an answer to that.]

...A lot of things did, really. I ended up getting to know you more than I would have liked, at first.

[His eyes drift to some point on the wall at that; it's a bit surreal to think about how different things were back then.]

But then after Raven... [Better not to focus on that; he shakes his head.] You gave me my freedom, and I think that was the point where I realized I didn't have it in me to be angry or upset.

[Sure, he reacted badly in the moment, but that was more because it was the last familiar thing he had in an unfamiliar place and it was just a bad time for it. Regardless, it was appreciated - though he'd hope that much was obvious afterwards.

He's quiet for a moment, studying that point on the wall again as he tries to figure out how exactly to word it. Sure, seeing Alexei as a person instead of a boss, a threat, was the main reason, but...]

I think I'd decided at that point that I wanted to... to try taking this life seriously, I suppose. So I didn't want to be angry with you anymore.

[Because he wouldn't have this opportunity in the first place if it weren't for Alexei.]

[Thankfully this time he's able to handle the answer he receives a little better than he did the first time; the first time there had been an attempt at this discussion it had been with Schwann, and emotions had been running extremely high at the time, and he'd more or less told Schwann to speak his mind and then immediately punished him for doing so, for some arbitrary goddamn reason that he still can't quite figure out.

But this is different, both because of the current outside circumstances and because, well, it's Yeager - which isn't to say that he isn't taking it seriously or trying to answer in a way that isn't his immediate first thought; that literally never goes well, and so he's trying his best not to do it. He's just never been as close to Yeager, and so this feels decidedly less personal than it would have otherwise.]

...Schwann said something similar. When I asked him about this.

[Unfortunately, this conversation is already exceedingly personal.]

You know that what I've done wasn't because I hated you, or because it was initially my intention to use you.

[It's more of a question than he would like.]

I know.

[The answer is immediate, certain. It wasn't something he'd really stopped and considered before spending time away from Terca Lumireis, but there's no doubt about it now. If Alexei had truly meant to use him from the start, he wouldn't have let Yeager run off and do whatever the hell he wanted for so damn long.]

I think I have a decent enough idea of why... that happened, anyway.

[Because Casey's unit was Alexei's personal project, because he has problems with people dying on his orders or because of him, and because he had the means to try to bring them back, so why wouldn't he attempt it? It wasn't meant to fuck them up, because how could anyone have predicted how they'd handle it? Alexei had admitted as much during the trial, after all - he cared about them, regardless of what he'd done and how they felt about him.

So in the end, Yeager isn't angry about it, because he wouldn't be Yeager if it hadn't happened. He wouldn't have Gauche and Droite to look after, he never would have gotten to know Raven, and he never would have seen Alexei as anything other than the Commandant of the Imperial Knights. The intention matters a lot here, and knowing it was never meant to be a punishment or something that bound him to Alexei has helped tremendously.]

I do mean that, though. I am... glad that I have another opportunity to enjoy this life.

It's...acceptable if you still find it unforgivable. That isn't my place to decide, and I understand it if that's the stance you choose to take.

[It's said neutrally, lacking any sort of implication regarding what he expects the response to that to be; Schwann had said that it was unforgivable, or at least he'd said something fairly close to that, and Alexei was fine with that in the end. As long as it could be dealt with in some way, and they weren't continuing to hold it over each other, that was enough.

He gets it, as difficult though it had been to come to that conclusion.]

...It's good to know that you mean that, however. Sincerely.

[Unforgivable... Honestly, Yeager hasn't really stopped to think all that much more about it since things finally clicked into place and he understood why Alexei did it. It is what it is, and he's reached a point where he wants to enjoy this chance at life, so does it have to be any more complicated than that?]

...I don't really know my answer to that.

[But at the very least, he figures Alexei deserves honesty about that.]

Regardless of what I do end up deciding, I do mean what I've said tonight. It hasn't been easy reaching this point, but I am glad I have.

[With that, he grins, the expression a bit wry but still obviously pleased.]

Well, I'd say that's enough honesty and openness from both of us for a very long time, ja? Look at how far we've come.

[And even though that was supposed to be a joke, it doesn't really sound like it...]

...Thank you, though. I do think discussing it has helped.

Has it?

[In fairness, Alexei also seems inclined to say that this is more than enough deep social interaction for the next decade; they're both said a lot of things, and after a while he settles on the notion that he doesn't completely hate it.

Sometimes he has to take time to process things; sometimes the most one can expect from him immediately is the notion that he doesn't hate something, and that's going to have to be enough. But honestly, this time saying what they've done is enough for now doesn't bring with it the feeling deep down that it really isn't - this has been progress, and admittedly far more than he planned on making today.]

As long as you consider it helpful, that's...it's acceptable.

[...alexei for fuck's sake]

[You've been doing so well and then you throw that out there...]

Acceptable? I think I deserve at least a "that's good", ja?

[Surely you didn't think you'd leave here without him teasing you, right??]

Would you like me to pat you on the head as well?

[Ah yes. This Again.]

[Back to bullshit, baby!!!]

I did try very hard, just for you~!

[WINK ☆]

[...]

Perhaps "acceptable" was being overly generous.

[we are so back on our bullshit and it feels great]

Ah, I've disappointed you yet again, haven't I? What a shame that it keeps happening.

[no thoughts, no feelings, head empty]

Do make sure you've gotten yourself more acceptably together by the time we meet again, hm?

[wow!!]

My, what an insult... But I suppose we'll see, won't we! Are you sure you'll be fine without my charming presence until next time?

That depends on how long you feel like keeping me waiting next time.

Edited (fingers ffs) 2023-09-25 05:23 (UTC)

[o-oh, he didn't expect you to roll with it...]

Well, Zaphias is rather out of the way... But if you miss me that much, I suppose I can try to make it back out here sooner.

[He isn't exactly full of surprises, but sometimes he manages.]

See to it that you do. As long as you're not endangering yourself any by doing so.

Oh come now, surely you know how careful I am! I've no interest in putting myself in danger, even for you~

[It's not a terrible way to end a meeting, all things considered; it was...far, far more emotionally involved than he'd planned for, but at the very least he does tend to be learning that not all things can be planned for.

Among the unplanned things: being able to return to Dahngrest before Yeager can return to Zaphias.

It's not a bad outcome; it shows that Don Whitehorse continues to be receptive to peace negotiations, as pessimistic as Alexei tends to be about them nowadays - not through any fault of the Don's, or even his own, but more due to the goddamned Council needing him every five minutes in Zaphias in what's clearly an attempt to stall. But today he's ignoring them, and if they need him that badly they can send for him, and he's more than content to return to Dahngrest for now.

He isn't sure what does it, or even what's happened once it has; he knows it's well outside the city, and his usual group of attendants is with him, and they've paused for a bit and there are no monsters in anyone's immediate line of sight and Alexei thinks there's a loud noise from somewhere before there's a far more distracting round of pain searing through the left lower portion in his chest. It's...confusing, and his breathing isn't wanting to cooperate very well, and he spends a few moments trying to get air before he realizes that someone in the group has him and he's on the ground (when?) and then whatever else is going on really isn't his concern anymore, seeing as that's when the darkness suddenly consumes him whole.]

[Yeager learned of Alexei's return to Dahngrest approximately two hours before everything went straight to hell; for a brief moment, he'd actually been entertaining the idea that everything would go about the same as usual, which would have been a nice alternative to their current situation.

He'd learned of the incident by way of one incredibly proud new recruit telling him that the Commandant was dead to a contract Leviathan's Claw has never accepted. Needless to say, he took care of that problem and left it in the woods for the monsters before immediately heading straight for Dahngrest.

Word of what happened has already reached Gauche and Droite - no surprise, given how quick Leviathan's Claw is to gather information - and they fall into step beside him easily as he enters the city. His irritation must be showing on his face, for neither of them ask anything about what happened and simply follow along as he stops to buy flowers for the Commandant - a showy gesture that will undoubtedly earn the Don's usual eyeroll of disapproval, but one that gives him an excuse to spend some time at the man's bedside anyway, because Yeager's certainly not leaving until he's made sure Alexei is alive and... well enough, he supposes.

Of course, given the severity of the situation, he should have expected to run into the Don personally - and to be damn near hoisted up off his feet by the man on sight. The Don's a little more receptive to the idea that this wasn't intentional and that the problem has been resolved by now than Yeager was expecting, but then again, had this been a proper assassination attempt, the Commandant wouldn't still be alive. The Don lets him go, rolls his eyes at the flowers, and tells Yeager he'd better apologize for all he's worth before actually allowing the man to enter the room.

Depending on how awake Alexei is, he may have noticed any of the aforementioned commotion - the Don is not a quiet man and neither is Yeager - or the quiet footsteps of the twins slipping into his room to leave the flowers. They're in and out very quickly, making very little noise and moving to stand watch as Yeager enters the room. His flowers join the others (fire lilies, because even now there's only one flower he could ever choose) and he moves to take a seat at Alexei's bedside.

So... he's not expecting anything great here after literally being shot, but how's Alexei doing?]

[For what it's worth, Dahngrest knows how to take care of its own - and without any assistance from the Empire, its healing tactics are different. Highly efficient in their own way, which is necessary due to the occasional violent outbreaks and the fact that more than a few of its denizens do unfathomably dangerous things for fun; quite frankly, it's an angle Alexei had never really considered with regards to the guilds, but he's likely going to be thinking about it for a while in the coming days given that this is currently the reason he's not outright dying now. Stabilization, at the very least, was ensured rather quickly; he's not really aware of it now, but he'll be grateful for it later.

Right now there's... Well, there's pain, and breathing still isn't great, and he's having some difficulty staying awake; he's trying really hard to focus and not let his mind wander, because when his mind wanders it goes to places he hasn't been in years, as immediate and sharp as though they were yesterday. His thoughts go to the tower, and to being told that all of his men are dead, and to knowing that he should be dead with them; there had been pain like this then, too, and there are flashbacks now that are just making it harder to breathe, and every time he sleeps that focus slips and it's... It's not something he can handle a second time, not right now, anyway, and-

...And then there's yelling, because the Don can't do anything quietly if he tried, and those girls are managing to look both awkward and apologetic as they're leaving the flowers off (he'll recognize them later, once he thinks about it, but right now they're just...girls that are here, also with flowers), and then there's Yeager because why wouldn't there be Yeager.

He can think of a lot of reasons why Yeager wouldn't be here, actually, but he's not going to try to sort through them right now; the fact of the matter is that he's just grateful to see someone familiar. He's lying back and his breathing is still labored, but like hell if he isn't going to try to at least stay awake.]

...It seems he's still not pleased to see you.

[The Don.]

[Alexei's certainly seen better days, but that is what tends to happen when one is shot. Honestly, maybe he shouldn't have spent so much arming his goons with guns... Oh well, that's something he can consider later.

For now, he merely shrugs, expression and words light as always despite the situation.]

I think we'd all be very, very shocked if he ever was pleased to see me!

[They're getting along better than they have in years lately, but that doesn't mean much coming from him. After all, he's always the one pissing the Don off, not the other way around.

But that's also not important right now, and Yeager settles back against the chair, crossing one leg over the other and folding his hands on his knee.]

You have my apologies for what happened. I have already taken care of that particular problem; I'm sure it goes without saying, but I have no interest in picking a fight with the Empire.

[The words are remarkably serious, for once - the apology the Don wants him to give, if not the one that Yeager himself would offer. It's best to start there, he thinks; after all, they are leaders of the guild and the Empire first and foremost. Anything else simply has to come afterwards.]

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