heartstones | we are the sword, we tame the fire, the flame

we are the sword, we tame the fire, the flame

[It's wonderful to be home.

Oh, sure, it hasn't been an easy transition into this particular version of Terca Lumireis. After all, that involved tracking down and killing this version of himself, which was far harder than it needed to be. Waiting for the proper moment to ambush himself while Gauche and Droite were nowhere nearby was the most difficult part. His original plan had been to actually fight, he took the more merciful option and simply sniped his other self. In some ways it was sort of traumatizing, in others it was completely liberating.

(But as long as he doesn't think about it for too long, things are fine, as usual.)

Regardless, he disposed of the body and slipped right back into his old life without missing a beat.

Of course, some things had to be handled immediately - namely, that whole mess with Altosk, the Don's grandson, and Belias - but somehow things had managed to work themselves out. Well, somewhat, Yeager's banned from Dahngrest again, but it's not like that's anything new, and it certainly won't keep him out of the city.

(Given that this was the Don's punishment for his guild's incredibly stupid and dangerous actions, Raven really did work hard to get him out of trouble.)

And so they return to their lives. For the time being, Leviathan's Claw is keeping a lower profile and taking on far fewer jobs, which is mostly to make Raven's life easier, not that Yeager will admit that. He's met with the other two several times since returning home - Raven more than Alexei, for obvious reasons - and while it's always nice to see them, it's almost always been exclusively about business.

Not that he minds that, truly. There's something wonderful about picking up right where he left off, without the consequences of his actions in his world to actually feel marginally guilty over. The Don is alive and well (and pissed at him) here, after all. Zaude hasn't been raised from the ocean floor, and the guilds and the Empire seem to be handling each other decently well... for now.

...But.

It's hard to pretend that his time away hasn't changed him. Droite and Gauche have noticed it too - they stare at him when they think he won't notice and whisper amongst themselves, and there's always the feeling there, whenever he talks to them, that something is off. With their behavior, with his, it isn't entirely clear. Maybe both. They don't know, of course - he took care of his other self's body so that it would never be found, after all - but they recognize that he's changed, they just haven't figured out how.

And really, he wouldn't know how to begin addressing any of that with them, so he simply doesn't.

Oh, he'll get around to it someday, probably. They are his daughters and he does want to treat them as such - but for now he wants things to be normal. He wants the normalcy he so desperately craved while in that horrid place, so maybe he can have this for a little bit. As a treat.

Still, he always leaves those meetings - particularly the ones with Alexei - feeling like talking about business (and strictly business) is sort of... frustrating.

(If only he could drag the Commandant out to set something on fire again.)

It's one of those meetings that's brought him into Empire territory today - he had business here anyway, so it's not like it was just to see Alexei - and he shows up to the appointed meeting place on time, dressed as always in the usual suit, with the usual briefcase at his side. Were it not for the (slightly) more genuine expression, it would be easy to assume that everything was just as it once had been, without a single difference whatsoever.

It's nice, in some ways. In others, it's maddening.]

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Ja, ja, of course.

[It's certainly not going to be easy to explain, which is likely why he's been avoiding it for so long to begin with, but that's something that he's going to have to face. For now, he shakes his head as if to clear it.]

Right, well, I'm sure you need to get some rest. I'll be by later - I don't intend to leave you here with nothing to do, after all!

[Because apparently Alexei needs a distraction, and at the very least Yeager's good at that.]

Well, it's hardly as though I'll be allowed to go anywhere for some time. I'll be here.

[He says that like it's something he's annoyed by, and as though he isn't going to be asleep pretty much immediately after Yeager leaves.]

Of course, of course~ I'll be back later, then!

[And with that he stands to leave, hesitating for a moment at the door like he's considering saying something else before instead he offers a jaunty little wave and heads out. The Don's nowhere to be found so he's presumably off taking care of something to do with the guilds, so it looks like Alexei will actually have time to sleep.

Yeager does have some pressing business to take care of, in the form of taking the twins outside Dahngrest to attempt to explain... well, most of what happened in the murdergame to them. There are some things he isn't going to address right now - namely, the whole "coming back from the dead" thing, because that's a lot to spring on someone, especially his two devoted daughters who will undoubtedly take that poorly - but he can at least get the general point across and it explains well enough why he's been spending so much time dealing with the Commandant and Raven.

Droite nearly slays him where he stands when she says "Oh, I just thought you were into him." like that's an appropriate thing to say in any context to him, but it's fine. He's not going to think about that one ever!! More importantly, he takes care of what few outstanding tasks he had before he returns later on in the evening.

The twins take their spot outside the room to keep watch (something that really isn't necessary given that they're in Dahngrest, and yet it's something they'll always do unless he specifically orders them not to) and Yeager knocks on the door to announce himself before entering.]

I do hope you weren't too bored without me!

[Alexei has thankfully not been too bored, though that's largely because the sorts of things his mind keeps producing are ensuring that he can't sleep, and arguing with his personal guards about whether he should be allowed up to do anything takes up a surprising amount of time when they have a very good argument for why he should not, in fact, be allowed to do anything. Since that very good argument is literally "sir, you were shot earlier today," and since Alexei doesn't actually want to tear every stitch they've put in him, they've at least gotten him to settle; he's still sort of balking at this - someone has to make decisions for the Empire, and he is absolutely not leaving Flynn to do that - but he's at least grudgingly agreed that any decisions made regarding the Empire itself can wait until morning, and that's going to be the end of that discussion for now.

The rest of his time has mercifully been taken up by Schwann, though he's Raven at the moment; either way, he's spent some time checking in on Alexei at the Don's request - likely making sure that the Commandant doesn't just drop dead after having been shot more or less on the Don's doorstep, as that would be horrific optics all around. Whatever reason he's here, though, it's good to talk to him. Reassuring, in its own way, even if he can't stay as long as Alexei would like.

...And then there's Yeager, just as his mind starts to wander; hopefully the girls don't mind spending time in whatever space they're in with some of Alexei's entourage, because man they are not fond of everyone and their mother from the guilds getting a private audience with the Commandant.

Fortunately, as far as Alexei is concerned, they don't get an opinion.]

...I think some of them would prefer it if I had been a little more bored, to be honest. Unfortunately enough, I'm not interested in taking their thoughts into consideration.

[Oh, don't worry, those girls can deal with the Don, so they can deal with anyone.

Anyway, Yeager's pleased to see Alexei's up, though hopefully that means he's actually gotten some rest today...]

I would be surprised if you did, honestly.

[He moves to take the seat nearby like before, offering Alexei a wry grin.]

Though you haven't been running yourself too ragged, ja?

Am I sensing concern?

[alexei even if you are could you maybe not respond to it like this- ]

I've been...well enough, for someone not allowed to see to anything they came here to do.

[NOT FOR WANT OF TRYING...]

See? It's responses like that that concern people, you know!

[YOU WERE JUST SHOT, MILORD...]

[HE'LL BE FINE- ]

I was hardly hit in the head, and someone has to ensure that the Empire continues to function in my absence.

Ja, of course, but you could at least try to take it easy for a day without the Empire falling apart!

[I mean. It hopefully wouldn't fall apart in a day. Right??]

Would you put it past them to somehow dissolve themselves within twenty-four hours.

[WOULD YOU REALLY.]

[.................]

You are making it very, very difficult to argue against you...

[yeah okay give him a second to laugh, goddamn!!! he tried!!!]

Trust me, I'm aware.

[He is, at the very least, satisfied with himself.]

Fortunately for you, my personal guard has more faith in the Empire than I do, and I'm not to attempt any business of the sort until tomorrow at the soonest. They won't hear any arguments regarding how it's more or less my job to not have faith in our esteemed institution, I'm not permitted to do the job itself until they're certain I'm not going to die in the attempt.

Mm, fair enough, it is their job to keep you alive, after all.

[It's light, though.]

But I am glad to hear that you'll be getting some rest, at least.

I would rather not be. [There is a pause.] And not solely because I don't trust the Empire to not get caught up in itself.

[Is that a large part of the reason, of course it is. But it's not the only reason.]

I don't...like having extensive time to myself. The last time this happened was a deeply disturbing time for me, and all this does is bring that back.

Edited (html is hard) 2023-10-11 01:18 (UTC)

[Yeager shifts a bit, folding his legs the other way as he considers that.]

Then I'll work extra hard to ensure you're not left alone with your thoughts for too long.

[It's far too simplistic of an answer and they both know it, but actually asking about it?? Perish the thought.]

Things will get easier soon, at the very least. Your guards understand they can't keep you cooped up in here for too long, after all.

They...are very annoyed with me at the moment, I imagine.

[Will he apologize to them later? No.]

How did the discussion with the girls go?

Understandably so.

[But Alexei isn't going to explain it to them, so they'll have to deal.

That question gets a brief pause for him before he lifts his shoulders a bit; not quite a shrug, but close enough.]

About as well as could be expected, I suppose. They were quite skeptical at first - it is a lot to take in, ja? But they said it explained some things.

[Like how much time he spends with Raven, why he's actually attempting to behave himself for once, and why he has any interest in Alexei at all, among other things.]

I honestly don't know that I'd believe anyone, if they tried to explain such a thing to me. Perhaps from Schwann, if he saw fit to tell me... The only other one that might have half a chance is Flynn Scifo, though that's solely because I don't think he has it in him to lie to me.

Ja, it's certainly is. I wouldn't have believed it for a moment.

[Maybe from Gauche and Droite, but even then it's only maybe.]

They said as much, anyway.

[That they only believed it because it was coming from him, which makes sense. And is giving him some kind of feeling given he's shifting a bit again.]

I didn't tell them everything, of course, but I've told them enough for right now.

[The rest - of what he can tell them, anyway - can come later, after they've had some time to process this.]

How much do they know? I admit I don't know them personally, so I don't know what you consider enough.

[Presumably enough to explain any differences in behavior, but otherwise who knows.]

For right now, that's just what we went through while we were away from Terca Lumireis. Well, the basic summation - I didn't get into too many details.

[There are things they simply don't need to know, like how close he came to dying for something he didn't do, or exactly what Raven (Schwann) and Alexei's relationship is like and all that comes with it. So a summation of the murdergame, in other words.]

I do eventually plan to tell them about...

[He pauses, clearly trying to figure out how to word it. And then Yeager simply gives up and sighs, shrugging a bit before placing his hand over his chest.]

...this. I don't know how I'll approach that, but I... want to tell them.

[It's obviously a complicated and difficult situation for him, but he does seem to mean that.]

I don't even talk about what happened back then. The most I acknowledge it is when the Empire insists on some sort of display on anniversaries; it's something of a morbid thing we do in Zaphias, and I don't argue with it but I've made it clear not to discuss that time with me, for those that are morbidly curious.

[Literally everything about the war is off-limits for him with the citizenry; Schwann is an exception, Yeager can be an exception if he wants to be. But the idea of discussing anything that happened at that time with someone who wasn't there is...]

I was supposed to be there with you. I'm...sorry. About the fact that I wasn't.

[Yeager shifts a little again, like he's not entirely sure what to do with any of that - frankly, he wants to drop this topic of discussion immediately despite the fact that he was the one who brought it up. It's still incredibly difficult to talk about, but the fact that he's still here likely says something. Raven's been patient with him while he works himself out with regards to this so he can... try. That's the best he can offer.

It takes him awhile, but eventually Yeager speaks, eyes fixed on some point on the floor.]

He didn't—

[No. No, that's not right.]

...I didn't blame you for that. I wasn't angry at you, for not being with us.

[It doesn't change anything. Alexei still blames himself, and nothing is going to change that. But it's something he wants to say - needs to say, maybe. Because this whole time he's been blaming Alexei for all sorts of things, and at the very least it's important he knows that this isn't one of them.]

I'm... sorry we couldn't return to you.

[It's because this topic is difficult that he wants to discuss it in some way - because if they don't do it now they're going to continue to put it off into infinity, because they're both rather good at words without a lot of substance behind them, because they're both deeply avoidant people in the end and they can't just do that forever. It means the conversation will be hard, yes, but... Well, if not now, when? It's never exactly going to be a good time, even if this topic hurts more than he really knows what to do with.

He's quiet for a long moment before he says anything further.]

I wanted to go to you immediately... Once it became obvious that you were going to be under threat. If they wouldn't allow you to withdraw, then I wanted to be there with you.

They wouldn't allow that. They considered me too important to send to the front lines like that - as though the rest of you weren't important in that way? I've never been so furious; I left as soon as I was able, their permission be damned, but I...

[He falls silent at that; just give him a moment.]

None of what happened was your fault. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, but absolutely none of it was a failure on your part.

[Something about that strikes him strangely and it takes him a moment to figure out what it is. He's known what happened - and their failure to combat it - was never their fault, but hearing that...

It reminds him of what Raven told him about Casey and her final moments - knowing that she didn't curse her fate and faced it with her head held high, as always. It's relief - knowing that even in the end, their loss wasn't their own failure.]

...Thank you. I... think I needed to hear that.

[As strange as that sounds coming from him, it's true. After all, he was among the first that died, among the first that failed to face down that threat and stop it from taking the others.]

It's... a rather complicated thing to think about, but I've grown to truly cherish this second chance. I wouldn't be who I am now without it, for better and for worse.

[For much, much worse, as it turns out, but we can't have everything.]

...So I want to thank you. I think I've wanted to thank you for it for... quite some time now, really. I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet Droite and Gauche. I wouldn't have met the Don. I wouldn't have gotten to know you, or Raven, or those who were there with us in that other world. I wouldn't have learned what happened to Casey. I wouldn't be Yeager, were it not for you.

[...okay that last one actually sounds really bad, but he genuinely likes being Yeager?? I'm so sorry.]

So thank you, Alexei.

[His hand rises to the blastia and this time, his touch is lighter - not like he's gripping the damn thing but more like he's actually appreciating its presence for once. After all, he does mean it. He's been treasuring his second chance at life for some time now, after all.]

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ideismo - 2023-11-14 15:24 (UTC) - Expand

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